【Canada Archives】

Ah,Canada Archives hell, I've been so busy this year I forgot to get red, stinking mad about the Starbucks holiday cup and then write a long, deranged thing about it. Damn!

Okay sorry, this is 100 percent on me, give me a second to get a good look at this freaking thing and I'll get right on it. Again, I'm really sorry, everyone, I know how much you all love my super long, unhinged rants about seasonal cups! I've just been so busy, ugh.

SEE ALSO: Pumpkin Spice Latte? Whatever happened to simple drinks, like my triple foam half-caf chocolateccino

Alright, I'm just looking at the cup for the first time right now. Let's see what we have here.

Original image has been replaced. Credit: Mashable

Oh, wow, this is... this pisses me right off. This cup really makes me freaking steamed to hell. I mean... look at it! The drawings? The freaking, uh, birds on there?? The other, smaller cup that's drawn onto the cup and is also an arm? What the hell is this, Starbucks??

Oh, wow, this is... this pisses me right off.

I'll tell you what it's NOT: respectful! It's disrespectful as heck, in fact! To um... me!

I have been incredibly busy at work and quite frankly I have not had a ton of free time to research the cardboard cups that I get disturbingly upset about each year.

Anyway, yeah, this cup is insanely disrespectful to me. And also to Christmas! How? I'll freaking tell you how: in many ways! Do I really even need to go over all of them? They're all right there, clear as day.

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Good GOD, get a look at this. I mean, this is bad for obvious reasons, and I'm sure I don't even need to get into it that much! Ugh!

Original image has been replaced. Credit: Mashable

Boy, I didn't think they could do it, but they did! They made their worst, most offensive cup yet! And that's coming from me: a guy who wrote 7,000 words about why last year's holiday cups were worse than every major American war combined.

Does anyone have a good recommendation for a moving company? One of my roommates got married and I have to be out in two weeks. What a headache.

But also, you guys, we gotta tell all the baristas our name is Christmas or something because of this damn cup! That's how upsetting it is!

Original image has been replaced. Credit: Mashable

What! Look at that! Is that coloring!? I mean, I don't even need to be specific about why THIS is just about the same thing as writing, "Nobody should be Christian" on there.

I'm sorry, can we pause for a second? I honestly can't do this. I have to meet a college friend for coffee and then I have some networking thing my boss is making me go to.

Ugh, I'm really, really sorry everyone. I know that my annual, unbelievably long and over-the-top posts about why Starbucks' holiday cups are offensive have become something of a Christmas tradition. I know that whole families gather together every year around this time to read my stupid thing about boycotting cups, and I know that, by not doing my research, I'm letting a lot of people down.

I just don't have the time.

I really, really hope you guys aren't too disappointed in me for not getting truly 10/10 livid over the color of coffee cups. Maybe next year.

Thanks for reading Mashable Humor: original comedy every day. Or most days. We're people, just like you, and we're trying our best.

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