【Foreign Archives】

Twinkies last forever on Foreign Archivesthe shelf. Volvos are boring and boxy but safe. The Chicago Cubs, well ... they're losers. Beautiful, reliable, lovable losers.

And that's the natural order of things. Hell, that's just good branding.

SEE ALSO: Why a 39-year-old, back-up catcher is the real star of the World Series

Hate to throw a wet blanket on your big moment, Chicago, but a World Series championship is the worst thing that could've happened to your beloved Cubs. You won the Commissioner's Trophy last night, but you lost your soul.

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That price was too high.

Search your feelings. You know it to be true.

I feel like I've lost part of my identity. I learned so much about gracious losing as a Cubs fan as a child!

— Kelly Lawler (@klawls) November 3, 2016

It's good fun now, but in the days to come it will dawn on you: That thing you've always wanted isn't there anymore. That thing you've always wanted has changed, irrevocably, in a night. That thing you've always wanted -- it always was the thing you wanted.

It was special. It was pure.

Now? It's just ... a thing you've got.

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Long-suffering sports fans exist the world over. But you guys! You suffered the longest. Your history of ineptitude was the modern definition legendary -- there were actual legends told about you! -- and it made Wrigley Field a place of pilgrimage. It made the nation root for you.

And who wouldn't?

Who wouldn't root for 108 years of tradition, 108 years of mystique, 108 years of frustration, sifting and settling and aggregating into a bedrock of collective struggle? That's how you get Bill Murray flying your flag. That's how you get a big part in Back to the Future II. That's how you get every living North American invested in your fortunes, year after year after year.

Well, guess what? After 108 warm and wonderful years, the nation won't be rooting for you anymore. And if you don't believe me, ask yourself this question: How do you feel about the Boston Red Sox now, compared with, oh, 1918-2003 or so?

Yeah, thought so.

Charlie Brown never kicked the football and Wile E. Coyote never caught the Roadrunner because Charles Schulz and Warner Bros. understood the power of the unfulfilled dream.

Original image has been replaced. Credit: Mashable

On the other hand, Twin Peakswent from TV's greatest instant phenomenon to a second-season crash-and-burn cancellation because a bunch of ABC suits insisted that Laura Palmer's murder be solved.

Look, Cubs fans, I don't begrudge you this moment. You are good fans; anyone who calls even one among you a "bandwagon-jumper" doesn't understand just how long 108 years vis a vis the human lifespan.

But for the soul of your franchise, was it worth it? For the sake of your identity, was it worth it?

I hope I'm wrong, and that it was.

Your move, Washington Generals.

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