【Mother】

Source：Information Information Network Editor：Digital Culture Time：2025-06-26 13:44:43

Hillary Clinton slayed her opponent Donald Trump in the humor department during a charity event on MotherThursday night.

The duo were speaking at the Alfred E. Smith dinner in New York. The event is meant to be a breather from the intensity of the campaign and normally sees the candidates poke fun at each other. Clinton got the memo and delivered zingers in spades. Trump, well, was Trump.

SEE ALSO: Trump didn't quite get the memo on charity dinner with Hillary Clinton

To save you the hassle of sitting through the torture of Trump teasing us with a single Melania joke, here's Clinton in her finest moments. Zing. Zing. Zing.

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For a moment, it almost felt genuine.

"This is such a special event that I took a break from my rigorous nap schedule to be here."

"And as you've already heard, it's a treat for all of you, too. Because usually I charge a lot for speeches like this."

"Now I've got to say, there are a lot of friendly faces here in this room, people I've been privileged to know and work with? I just want to put you all in a basket of adorables."

"And you'd look so good in your tuxes, or as I refer to them, formal pantsuits."

"Donald, if at any time you don't like what I'm saying, feel free to stand up and shout, 'Wrong!' while I'm talking."

"You know, come to think of it, it's amazing I'm up here after Donald. I didn't think he'd be okay with a peaceful transition of power."

"And Donald, after listening to your speech, I will also enjoy listening to Mike Pence deny that you ever gave it."

"People look at the Statue of Liberty and they see a proud symbol of our history as a nation of immigrants, a beacon of hope for people around the world. Donald looks at the Statue of Liberty and sees a four. Maybe a five, if she loses the torch and tablet and changes her hair."

"Now, you notice, there is no teleprompter here tonight, which is probably smart, because maybe you saw Donald dismantle his prompter the other day. And I get that. They're hard to keep up with, and I'm sure it's even harder when you're translating from the original Russian."

"Sharing a stage with Donald Trump is like, well, nothing really comes to mind. There is nothing like sharing a stage with Donald Trump."

"Now, look, I have deep respect for people like Kellyanne Conway. She's working day and night for Donald, and because she's a contractor, he's probably not even going to pay her. "

"But I think the good news is that the debates finally allowed Republicans to unite around their candidate. The bad news is, it's Mike Pence."

"And whoever wins this election, the outcome will be historic. We'll either have the first female president or the first president who started a Twitter war with Cher. "

"And if Donald does win, it will be awkward at the annual presidents' day photo when all the former presidents gather at the White House, and not just with Bill. How is Barack going to get past the Muslim ban?"

"Speaking of health, Donald has been very concerned about mine. Very concerned. He actually sent a car to bring me here tonight. Actually, it was a hearse."

【Mother】

"This is such a special event that I took a break from my rigorous nap schedule to be here."

"And as you've already heard, it's a treat for all of you, too. Because usually I charge a lot for speeches like this."

"Now I've got to say, there are a lot of friendly faces here in this room, people I've been privileged to know and work with? I just want to put you all in a basket of adorables."

"And you'd look so good in your tuxes, or as I refer to them, formal pantsuits."

"Donald, if at any time you don't like what I'm saying, feel free to stand up and shout, 'Wrong!' while I'm talking."

"You know, come to think of it, it's amazing I'm up here after Donald. I didn't think he'd be okay with a peaceful transition of power."

"And Donald, after listening to your speech, I will also enjoy listening to Mike Pence deny that you ever gave it."

"People look at the Statue of Liberty and they see a proud symbol of our history as a nation of immigrants, a beacon of hope for people around the world. Donald looks at the Statue of Liberty and sees a four. Maybe a five, if she loses the torch and tablet and changes her hair."

"Now, you notice, there is no teleprompter here tonight, which is probably smart, because maybe you saw Donald dismantle his prompter the other day. And I get that. They're hard to keep up with, and I'm sure it's even harder when you're translating from the original Russian."

"Sharing a stage with Donald Trump is like, well, nothing really comes to mind. There is nothing like sharing a stage with Donald Trump."

"Now, look, I have deep respect for people like Kellyanne Conway. She's working day and night for Donald, and because she's a contractor, he's probably not even going to pay her. "

"But I think the good news is that the debates finally allowed Republicans to unite around their candidate. The bad news is, it's Mike Pence."

"And whoever wins this election, the outcome will be historic. We'll either have the first female president or the first president who started a Twitter war with Cher. "

"And if Donald does win, it will be awkward at the annual presidents' day photo when all the former presidents gather at the White House, and not just with Bill. How is Barack going to get past the Muslim ban?"

"Speaking of health, Donald has been very concerned about mine. Very concerned. He actually sent a car to bring me here tonight. Actually, it was a hearse."

"Donald really is as healthy as a horse. You know, the one Vladimir Putin rides around on."

"So tonight, let's embrace the spirit of the evening, let's come together, remember what unites us, and just rip on Ted Cruz."

"I said no to some jokes that I thought were over the line, but I suppose you can judge for yourself on WikiLeaks in the next few days."

Bonus: A recap of some of the best and worst jokes from the dinner

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